


His Makoto

by AkitoAnemone



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, makoharu fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 13:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1160378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkitoAnemone/pseuds/AkitoAnemone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Surely, it was all in Haru's imagination. His Makoto would never be like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Makoto

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Makoharu fest for the prompt Unchanged. The link is in the end notes, so please like or reblog to vote if you like this, thanks! (Honestly, I wish I could have done a bit more with it, but I really wanted to submit it, so I may be editing it here a bit.)

Waves curled in the ocean, rushing to the shore and shrinking back with just the same urgency. The water was, by this time, reaching Haru’s toes, but he paid it no attention. By this time, the sun was setting, and the wind was turning from a welcome relief to something more bone chilling, but Haru paid it no attention.

When the water was up to his ankles, the bottom of his shorts was soaked through, and he was shaking from the cold, Haru finally stood up.

For once, the water wasn't helping him feel better.

And it had only been a week since Makoto had left. For reasons Haru himself couldn't explain, though he'd felt fine about Makoto going to Tokyo--encouraging him, even, the minute he'd gotten on the train a sort of numbness had spread throughout Haru's body.

He hadn't been able to get rid of it. He was shaking from the cold, and though the wind was biting him, turning his fingers blue on the way home, Haru couldn't feel a thing.

It was almost like Makoto was a part of him, an inner structure of his brain that helped him connect the outside to the inside. Without Makoto, Haru was missing a vital part of himself. Haru only hoped, again for reasons he couldn't explain, that Makoto felt the same.

But of course he didn't. Haru tucked into his dinner of leftover mackeral and vegetables and imagined Makoto eating somewhere with new friends he'd made effortlessly the moment he'd gotten to his dorm. As Haru flicked through the channels on TV for lack of anything productive to do, he imagined Makoto going to some sort of fancy movie premiere with those same new friends. Or maybe a girl.

These little clips of Makoto's imagined life came often, intruding into Haru's every day life wherever and whenever they could, and each time, something would be a bit different about Makoto. Shorter hair, a different girl, even something as simple as a flashy coat would set Haru on edge.

That wasn't Makoto. That wouldn't be Makoto. His Makoto would call him soon, and tell him how much he missed him, and how weird Tokyo was compared to Iwatobi, and how much he wanted to come home. But no matter how hard he tried, that was never what his daydreams let him see.

As the months crawled by, Haru realized that the only place he and Makoto were safe was in his dreams. There, they would be sitting at one of their houses, talking, playing games, everything they normally did.

Nothing more.

* * *

 

Makoto texted once a week. It had been more right after he'd left, but half of the time Haru didn't respond. He felt horrible about it; that Makoto was taking any time at all out of his busy schedule as a med student to text a hello, or how was your day?, and Haru couldn't bring himself to reply.

But it didn't seem like it was Makoto texting him. Because Haru couldn't actually see Makoto, it could have been anyone. Haru needed to see him, or at the very least hear his voice, but a call must have been too time consuming, or too distracting, because Makoto never called.

Eventually, Makoto just got too busy, or just gave up, because Haru stopped receiving texts from him completely.

When he realized that he hadn't gotten that weekly text for almost a month, Haru didn't get out of bed. He most certainly didn't feel like eating, or even taking a bath. So he just lay there, looking up at the ceiling. The water couldn't help him, so he didn’t even want to bathe. He knew how unhealthy it was to be obsessed over Makoto like that. They were just childhood friends, and it was normal to drift apart. It had happened with Rin when they were younger, and thought that relationship had been repaired, it wasn’t like they were set in stone. The way he couldn’t stop thinking about Makoto was almost like he...

...Was in love?

The thought flicked through his mind accompanied by a sudden pang in his chest. Maybe he was in love with Makoto. Haru hadn't even thought about that being a possibility because, well, he'd never been in love before. Sex had never interested him, and he only ever masturbated when his body told him it had been a while since the last time, never picturing anyone in particular. He'd never really been attracted to anyone, never wanting to kiss them or touch them.

Though love didn't need that, did it? Because, thinking about it more, Haru considered that maybe he'd always been in love with Makoto and what he was feeling was nothing more than heartbreak. And maybe touching, holding hands with Makoto would be nice. Maybe kissing, too.

His first love, there and gone before he’d even noticed. Haru couldn’t help but laugh, calming down now that he’d gotten his thoughts untangled. Maybe he would go for that bath and try to forget it.

It only took ten minutes of being submerged up to his chin before he realized that it wouldn’t be so easily forgotten. Of course it couldn’t be so easy. He’d seen it on TV enough, those in love, though he always thought it was over dramatized, and he’d seen it with the girls in school, gushing over everyone, but that wasn’t real love. Or so he thought. Apparently, even he wasn’t immune to it’s vice grip.

* * *

 

“Sorry Haru,” Makoto said over the phone. Haru hadn’t heard his friend’s voice in over a year, and with every word the knot in his stomach grew tighter. “I’m so sorry. The meeting just came up and I--” there was a heavy sigh. “We’ll just have to try again later. I’m really sorry.”

Haru bit his lip, trying to control his breathing the best he could. He’d had to go to Tokyo to visit his parents a few times in the past few months, and he’d texted Makoto about it, but every time, Makoto was busy or something came up. One time, Makoto was even in Iwatobi while Haru was in Tokyo. “It’s alright. Our timing is just bad.”

“I guess so...we really should talk on the phone more, Haru. Or at least text me.” Haru could hear the warm smile in Makoto’s voice, and he had to clench at his chest to keep from dropping the phone. He’d missed this so much. “I...I just-” Makoto started, and then cut off suddenly. Haru could hear a voice--a female voice--in the background, though he couldn’t make out what she was saying. “Sorry, Haru, I have to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”

So Makoto couldn’t just drop everything for Haru anymore.

That was fine. He was an adult. They were both adults, and Haru would have to get used to this kind of thing. In fact, he’d already gotten used to it. Used to getting out of bed, eating, bathing, all in a timely manner without Makoto’s help. He’d even gotten a job at the new athletic center as a lifeguard.

So Makoto probably had a girlfriend.

That...that wasn’t so fine. There was nothing wrong with Makoto having a girlfriend. Of course, Makoto had the right to be happy, but Haru at least wanted a chance. At this rate, he wasn’t sure he’d ever see Makoto again.

Haru was sure she was pretty, and athletic, too. Someone who could keep up with Makoto, and maybe even push him a bit. She’d know everything about him, and about Ren and Ran, and they’d love her, too. She’d be nothing less than what he deserved.

* * *

 

Makoto didn’t call later. Haru held tight to his phone his entire visit to Tokyo, kept it in his pocket instead of his luggage on the train ride back, and never let it out of his sight once he was back home. He couldn’t remember a time Makoto had gone back on his word like that, but of course he was busy.

He could have at least sent a quick text, but instead he seemed to disappear again. He probably had more important friends. Knowing Makoto, he probably was nearing the top of the social ladder, especially without Haru to hold him back. They both knew Makoto would have been much more popular if he hadn’t been with Haru all of the time. And he was probably going to parties, and drinking those fancy little drinks and eating those fancy little appetizers, the fact that he was a broke college student notwithstanding.

* * *

 

It finally got to a point that Nagisa saw Haru again before Makoto did, and he had been travelling for most of the past few years as a photographer. They met up at a local restaurant that Haru had last been to with Makoto. The others might have been there, too, but Makoto had sat next to him, and shared his food and-- “Haru-chan! Long day at work?” Haru jolted up and nodded, satisfying Nagisa. “Well tell me, how are things here? Oh! I was in Australia a few months ago and saw Rin-chan. He’s doing fine there, but misses it here, of course. How’s Mako-chan? Have you seen him a lot? He’s still in Tokyo, right?”

It took all Haru had to not get lost in Nagisa’s long winded ramble, staring at the checked pattern of the table. “I, uh, I haven’t actually seen Makoto since he left.”

Nagisa’s eyes opened wide and he almost choked on his food trying to yell. “But it’s been almost three years! Do you at least talk to him a lot?”

Haru shook his head, gripping onto his drink like it was a shield protecting him from Nagisa’s prying stares. “A few texts right after he left, and then one phone call a year ago to tell me that something came up and that we couldn’t meet.” He didn’t want to tell them all of this, but he’d been holding it in for so long that it just came pouring out. “He said he’d call back later, but he didn’t. There wasn’t even a text, and...and I know he’s busy, but…” Haru felt his face getting hot and took a long sip of his drink. “Even if he’s changed, I just want him to talk to me.”

“Why don’t you just call him? Don’t you think, since it’s Makoto, he’ll be happy to get a call from Haru?” Nagisa was surprisingly calm. “I don’t think Makoto could just cut things off with you like this.”

* * *

 

Haru paced, finger positioned over the call button. One touch and, even if he didn’t pick up, Makoto would know that Haru tried to contact him.

He’d been in this position all day, originally intending to call right after he got up, and then after his bath, and then after lunch, but then Makoto would probably have class, so he decided after dinner for sure, and now it was getting almost too late. He couldn’t push it to tomorrow.

What if Makoto was on a date? Or what if he saw the call and just decided to ignore it? The Makoto he knew would never, ever do that. The Makoto he knew would probably apologise for missing Haru’s call even if he was in the hospital. But Haru didn’t know this Makoto anymore.

...What if Makoto was in the hospital, and that’s why he hadn’t contacted him?

Haru shook his head of the thought. His parents would have told him if that were the case. He still saw them and Ren and Ran pretty often, but they didn’t know much more than Haru did of their son.

It was like a slow motion scene in a movie. As he moved to finally hit call, someone called him and he hit answer instead. “Hello? Hello, Haru?” The phone called out as Haru rushed to hold it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Haru, it’s Makoto. Are you..are you home?”

His voice still sounded the same as the last call, which had sounded the same as when they had said goodbye. At least there was that. “Yeah, why?”

“I’m in Iwatobi. Can I come see you?”

“You’re what?”

There was a small laugh. “In Iwatobi. At the station, actually. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t want it to be like the other times when our timing was so bad. I have the week off.”

“Oh.”

“So is it okay if I come over?”

“Yeah.” Haru’s Makoto wouldn’t have had to ask. “See you soon,” he said, hanging up before Makoto’s good-bye. The phone went back in a drawer, out of sight. He didn’t need it if Makoto was coming.

Haru bet that this Makoto was going to knock instead of just letting himself in.

Haru bet that this Makoto wouldn’t comment on the state of his home, wouldn’t badger him about the mess.

He sat on the step by the entrance, head down in his hands, waiting for the inevitable. He’d changed, too, sure, but it was mostly just appearance. His hair was a little longer and in a different style, and he was skinnier because he didn’t swim as much these days, but it wasn’t anything shocking.

 

Finally, after what felt like forever, there was a tentative knock on the door followed by two slightly stronger ones. Bet number one, won. Haru had meant to wait a second, to make it seem like he hadn’t been right there, but the flutter of his heart propelled him towards the door without him even realizing. He opened it carefully, like opening a special present.

And Makoto was there, and coming inside, saying hello, and Haru absolutely froze. This Makoto didn’t even look like his Makoto. His hair was shorter, and dyed a darker brown, and his clothes were all completely unfamiliar, in a different style than his Makoto usually wore. And he was wearing his glasses. “It’s nice to see you again, Haru,” this Makoto said, smiling his Makoto’s smile.

* * *

 

They ended up in the kitchen somehow, with tea in front of them, and Haru wasn’t sure if he’d made it or if Makoto had. He still hadn’t said anything, and he wasn’t entirely sure of what Makoto had been saying to him either.

“Haru, are you feeling okay?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. It’s just been...a long day.”

Makoto smiled knowingly and apologetically, and Haru couldn’t look at that, preferring to stare at his hands. “I’m really sor--”

“Don’t. Don’t apologise. Just...how are you? How have you been?”

He nodded, taking a drink from his tea. “I’ve been fine. Busy, though, but you probably guessed that. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be, you know? Not that I thought it would be a breeze, but...There have been more times than I like to admit when I just wanted to give up.”

“But you haven’t, right? That’s not why you’re back?” His Makoto wouldn’t give up.

“No, no of course not. I’m just on break. I wouldn’t back out now that I’ve come so far,” he said, laughing. “And I have a lot of support, too. I’ve made a lot of friends.” There was that smile again. The guilty smile. “None of them are as important to me as Haru, though.” His Makoto wouldn’t have needed to say that out loud.

Makoto was also doing something weird with his fingers, tapping them against his mug. Haru’s Makoto didn’t do that, didn’t drink his tea with only two fingers through the handle, didn’t look at Haru like he was so fucking sorry and was just at his house out of guilt.

His Makoto would have noticed he was angry by now, would have asked him why.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Haru asked, trying to keep the conversation on this Makoto and away from himself. “You must be really popular.”

Shaking his head, the finger tapping stopped abruptly. “No, I, uh...actually, I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Suddenly, Haru’s mind went blank. Of every scenario he’d considered, this surely hadn’t been one of them.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Makoto trailed off, struggling to find the words.

“I’m gay, too,” Haru said, looking up in time to see something he could only describe as relief flicker across Makoto’s face. They really seemed to have lost the ability to read each other, though, because Haru had no idea what it meant.

“Do you have a boyfriend, then?”

“Makoto, do you really think I have a boyfriend?”

He shrugged. “You could. A lot’s changed in the past few years. I don’t know, maybe you’ve come out of your shell a bit more.”

“The one who’s changed is you,” Haru said. If Makoto hadn’t known he was angry before, he would have now, since Haru was practically bristling. “My Makoto wouldn’t have left me for three years like that. Even if he couldn’t have been here, my Makoto would have at least tried to keep in contact more.”

He was selfish. So, so selfish, and so unjustifiably angry, but Makoto looked at him once again like it was all his fault and Haru could do no wrong. “I felt like I needed some time away from you,” he said finally, setting each word in front of him, picking it carefully. “I tried to change more than I actually did, because, well, I was uncomfortable, to put it simply. But I’m better now. The hair, and the glasses, it’s just on the outside.” Makoto looked at Haru, willing him to connect the dots like they used to be able to do. “It was wrong of me, and I’m here now. I came to ask you to come with me back to Tokyo, because I’m still in love with you, Haru.”

Haru’s heart pounded, and he thought he was going to faint because of what he could see in Makoto’s eyes. The feelings that he’d seen before, long ago, but couldn’t make any sense of were there, and stronger than ever, and he understood.

Makoto could see it, too, Haru’s feelings coming out as he calmed down, and smiled and rushed to his side. “See, Haru, it’s okay now,” he said, taking his hand gently and holding it up to his lips. “I’m still your Makoto.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, and constructive criticism greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for reading! (And if you really like it please like or reblog it for the Makoharu fest at http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com/post/75034788903/challenge-unchanged-user-ask-makotoharu  
> Thanks!)


End file.
